F E B R U A R Y B L U E S
It’s times like this when I’m so glad I have the outlet of the blog to just vent my feelings without having to shove a camera on and worry about how I look! It seems like January blues came a bit late for me with the first week of February stopping me dead in my tracks – rather like a hypothetical equivalent to a face plant or a drop kick then a slow graceful decline.
I get like this every few three or four months, sometimes shorter sometimes longer and lordy do I appreciate the time in between! You know what I mean, the sudden drop in motivation, the procrastination of EVERYTHING, feeling like your not getting anywhere even though you are trying, random general feeling of anxiety but you don’t know exactly what for and the want to just crawl under the duvet and never come out. All the signs of somebody thats given up coffee for the last fews days clearly *nervous laughs…
As a freelancer who relies solely on herself to produce & execute work while constantly organising new work & planning for the future in an unstable job role, as well as all the other things most people multitask on the day-to-day stepping off the edge into the abyss can easily happen. It’s one thing I miss from a normal job where I’m answerable to somebody, and don’t need to think about work when clocking out either. When you’re freelance its so easy to just ‘not show up for work’. I would consider myself highly motivated but sometimes hitting that wall is unavoidable for anyone! Its been around five days that I’ve been in a complete bleh mood, the kind where you wake up optimistic and then see that its the most miserable day outside so your plans are ruined so why bother? A slave to the slump. It’s an awful feeling to feel useless & unproductive. I think a huge reason as to why its happening to me and to most people around this time of year is that we’ve set ourselves goals that we don’t feel we are meeting or not reaching fast enough or we are struggling to maintain a balance of new things we’ve taken on. I’ve taken on a lot of new resolutions & goals since the end of January and adjusting has been all consuming. I’m exhausted. I’d like to think the brick wall is the body’s way of saying ‘well I told you to slow down but you didn’t so Imma’ slam you in the head with a stop sign’…
T H E L I G H T
The great news is it seems I’m not the only one! Even from scrolling twitter alone a lot of people just feel off at the moment. If theres one thing I’ve learned from all these past bouts of doubt, unproductiveness and anxiety it’s that they are normal, and they will pass! For me I get frustrated when I can’t shoot or film or even be present in the wonderful city that is New York, but I chip away huddled in the apartment. Working out, eating good, making plans and prepping for that morning where I wake up and all feels right in the world as soon as I turn the camera back on (I’m hoping this is tomorrow for me!). Sometimes sitting down with a calendar and plotting out the next two weeks of what you need/want to get done is all you need to feel lighter & more prepared to succeed.
I always try to fight it, but sometimes you just have to surrender and let it run it’s course. Do the bare minimum, and have a lot of self care time. If you’re going to be out of action, instead of beating yourself up with frustration you might as well make the most of it! I’ve been doing things in the evenings like reading, cracking open body lotions, hand creams & doing a copious amount of facemasks and flower arranging to perk myself up. It’s ok to feel a bit shit, choose a day to get out of it and if it’s not that day it will definitely be the next (or the next, or the next – says the eternal optimist)! T.